TORONTO GIRL CHRONICLES

I read that "conflict is the basis of evolution, its necessary". I don't know about you but I hate conflict. It makes me nervous just thinking about it. The thing about life is that, well if you don't stand up for yourself someone will step on you, growing up has taught me this lesson again and again.


Last year, my lovely roommate decided to turn my apartment into a pumpkin patch. I arrived home after a long day at work and as I opened my door I was surprised and thought, this must be a dream. Yes, there were pumpkins greeting me every step of the way as I proceed to my bedroom for a pumpkin break. There were pumpkins in the living room, there were pumpkins in the dinning room and, wait, and there were pumpkins in the bathroom. I had been officially invaded. I don't mind a pumpkin here or there, but this was just too much for a girl to take. So I did the only thing that seemed logical at the time. I went into my room and called my mother. Then I called my friend, then my sister...I talked to anyone except for her. I did not know how to tell my rommie (who is a lovely person by the way) what I wanted. I didn't sleep that night.

The thing about keeping things to yourself is that the feelings only get worse with time. You might start blowing things out of proportion. Worse, you start building resentment. So having lived through this and many other conflicting situations I have come up with 5 simple steps to keeping your cool and being assertive.


TIPS EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW FOR BEING ASSERTIVE

1- Take a deep breath and give yourself a moment to cool down and put things into perspective.

2- Pick your battles. Is this thing worth the fight? If it is then stand up for yourself! If it’s not, just let it go....

3- Do not blame anyone, do not judge anyone. When you are having a "talk" its best to stick to facts and if you see fit, your point of view. No one can argue that facts are not true, and no one can tell you what you feel.

4- Be calm and composed when communicating. The person that looses their temper looses control.

5- End up thanking the person for their cooperation and their understanding. Give them a smile (only if it feels genuine)

When I moved to Toronto I felt at home. Growing up in Small Town Canada where I was notoriously part of the minority was...interesting. Coming to Toronto and seeing more of “my people" and "other's peoples" made me feel at home. I moved to the neighbourhood with the highest concentration of "my peeps" and enrolled in salsa lessons. I wore big hoop earrings, enunciated my accent and to this day I still hold J.Lo to be the ideal beauty. I know it all sounds so funny but it was so amazing to not feel weird because I didn't have blue eyes or couldn't pronounce the word shampoo.

So what happens when you are forced to get out of your segregated cultural bubble and co-exist with the rest of the minorities that beautify Toronto? Understanding other cultures is not just about eating their delicious (and sometimes not so delicious) food nor having polite conversations while shopping in Chinatown. How do you react when you really need to mix and mingle?

This is why this city is such a fantastic place to grow up! Every day we have an opportunity to go out of our shell and learn how to communicate with other cultures. This is our competitive advantage. We get to learn that if a new comer, who is not fluent in English, is having problems understanding us, the best way of communicating is not to yell but to slow down and simplify our ideas. We get to learn that when someone is being harsh (or what you consider rude) is never personal. These are just a few examples among many others, but my point is: cherish these opportunities, learn, really learn, about different cultures and get past the stereotypes. At the end of the day I think you'll be surprised as to how much we have in common.

When I first moved to the city and started working, travelling was the last thing on my mind.  I don't even think it was on my mind at all. I did go to Cuba with my anti-resort culture mother (meaning we went out and explored) and that kind of inticed me, but never in a million years did I think I could conjure up the courage to travel alone. Then I met Marj, a girl that has been to more places than I could possibly list, some of them in great company, some of them alone. She would tell me about her adventures in London, Spain, Greece or India and my brain would go wild with desire to see and experience these places myself.

So I took it slow, I stuck to this continent. I went to South America, where I have family (so this was cheating) and I went to Miami for a lonesome weekend (my birthday), then Montreal, until I felt ready to go out there (to the other side of the world) on my own.  It was one of the most liberating experiencies and later I will write a post on how to do it, but for now, I want to tempt you just a little bit by showing you some pictures and sharing some links to get you inspired.

Thanks to the girls at SEVEN DOLLAR PANTS for the heads up.

In the business world, and I'm sure in many other worlds, we divide our year into quarters (3 months each) and as I review our first quarter results I've been hit with the somewhat stupid realization that the first quarter of my year has gone by as well. Duh! but think about it, only 3 more quarters left. Doesn't that figure hit you like a ton of bricks?
Its means that by now you should have set the your wheels in motion.  In these first three months, if you didn't set the tone for the course of your year, well you better get moving.

I found this goal tender program at the Lululemon website. Its basically a program where you create a profile and answer a couple of questions to help you determine what you want out of life. It asks you about your values, your dreams, your goals (career, personal, health) and your plans (1 year, 5 years, 10 years) to make these a reality. It also has a really nifty (yes, I said nifty) "my progress" page where you can record the things that you're doing to make things happen.  After you're doing planning, you can print it out and post it on your bathroom mirror to keep focused.

I find this a really useful tool and I hope you at least give it a look. Like the site says, you need to begin with an end in mind. Every girl knows that you need a map to get to the destination, or a plan to make it in the city.